I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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