No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
