I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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