I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
