What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
