I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Holy sore nipples Batman
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
