Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My balls are so social today.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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