Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
