you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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