if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
