did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
