I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
