Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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