I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
