Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
