I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize