I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
