I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
