He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
