i think my tv is drunk
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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