apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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