I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
