Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
