I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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