Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
not ubering you a puppy
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
