YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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