im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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