My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize