roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize