wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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