Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize