Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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