I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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