im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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