i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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