On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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