I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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