I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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