I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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