You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
