I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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