Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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