Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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