Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
