he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
