thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
