if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
