My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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