He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
