I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
