So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
