my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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