Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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