I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
