and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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