who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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