Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
