tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
