Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
