My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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