I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
