eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just found a bag of teeth...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
