just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
