Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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