I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
