I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
