that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
