Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize