There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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