The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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