it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
