I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
