I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize