Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
