I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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