i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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