I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
